3 months and a ct scan.

today marks our three month anniversary of cancer free! what a joy. really. three months. wow. so fast and yet seems like yesterday in some ways too. but in the midst of that joy i got to begin the day with drinking a large berry "smoothie" in prep for my scan. its not a smoothie. not at all. but they call it that. it creates a contrast inside you to help them see if there is cancer or no cancer. we are praying for no cancer.

its been hard around here lately. some cancer stuff and some not cancer stuff. justin and i did get to sneak away to virginia beach on tuesday for the night minus little ava. it was good to get away. to enjoy the ocean. we love the ocean. and enjoy the amazing gift we have of living on water. its incredible. we like little getaways. even if its for less than 24 hours. its nice to talk, take a walk, read, rest, and be together. that time with my husband is so good for me. to just slow down in the midst of it all.

but...

sometimes when we slow down i do begin to over think everything. like why am i so tired lately? is cancer back? no its not back. not possible. how could it. its only been three months and lymphoma is a slow growing cancer. i am just tired for normal reasons. that little pain in my hip. its in my head. i am sure of it. its not as bad as it was before so it must be nothing. round and round i go. who am i? this is not me i don't think. i am pretty tough. i try and see what's good in the midst of what's not so good. i do trust the Lord. i am just having a hard time slowing my thoughts down before they get out of control. praying for peace. lots of peace. and resting in Him. i got a text this morning as i was driving to the my scan and i said...i am not as strong as i used to be. to which she responded...it's okay, He's got you. true and true. He does. everyday. if i allow myself to rest in what is true not become overtaken by the lies in my little head.

cancer has been on my mind a ton lately. not in a good way. in a scary way. but two things have come from it.  although the idea of cancer returning causes a big lump in my throat and tears form in my eyes. we will do it. we will go through it again if we have to. because His plan is the prefect plan and i trust His over my own. and by next week when we get the results i can laugh about this post and how crazy scared i have been lately. that's my hope. laughter. lots of it over my week of anxiety.

thanks for those of you that this read blog and are continuing on with our family as we entire into many new phases of this whole cancer thing. there has been a little more cancer talk on the blog lately than i would have hoped. but its heavy on my heart and it's what's going on in this house right now. not overtaking it. not at all. but a little subtle underlying tone.

good thing life keeps happening...laundry, mopping, ava's doctor appointment today, cleaning my car, grocery store...the usual.

will post results when we know something. thanks for your encouraging words and prayers. it really has and does make all the difference.