I am in the waiting room as my good friend tries to get some answers. Thankful for friends who are so willing to care for our girls when mommy is away. This morning i am begging The Lord for some answers to explain the pain and the symptoms of my friend. The unknown is the worst. It's in those moments where our trust in The Lord really becomes evident. Do we trust Him when we don't know what is happening or why it's happening or what to do or where to go? It's there where we quickly find out who we are and what we are about. It is our nature to want answers and direction and being able to "know the plan." But none of that is guaranteed. So will we continue to put our hope and trust in the one thing that gives us life or continue to ask why and toil and plead for answers? Sometimes we get them but often times we don't. Life is tricky like that. But thankfully Jesus is wiser and bigger and far grander than our little brains and hearts and fleeting emotions.
On my way here I stopped and got us starbucks. When I was sick we always got starbucks before or after my appointments. In some weird way starbucks seemed to trick my mind into thinking Justin and I were just on a coffee date. Not heading to chemo or surgery or more blood work. It didn't always work but at least we tried.
As I left starbucks I started crying under my sunglasses. A little
PTSD I think. But mostly as I wait I am reminded of where I once was and where I am now. Healed (thank you casey for the sweet reminder last night. you are an incredible encourager). I was sick and now I am not. Because of that I am able to sit next to my dear friend. Something seems to be wrong and we don't what. Today I pray for answers. Some explanation to all te symptoms. Glad to be on the other side of our story and able to sit here today. It is possible because in my story...in my scary healthy story there was medicine. Medicine that worked and saved my life. I am grateful. I will never stop being grateful.
I am so emotional. I am crying as I blog in the waiting area. A nurse just came out and asked a woman (whose husband just got a scan done and is waiting to see the dr for results) if she wanted to come back there and wait with him. I pray I am wrong but I think they might be getting some bad news. In our experience they do not usually include family unless it is bad news. Kinda like when my dr called and said "hey no rush but can you come to my office in 30 minutes and bring your husband." I hope a dr never tells me to bring my husband to another apportionment unless it's when I am pregnant because I like him at those visits. They just came our crying. I knew it. Side note: I am sure often times family is asked to come to appointments or to wait with the patient because it is nicer to be with people you love than be alone. Didn't want to scare anyone.
Time to pull it together. Not sure how to end today. Hospitals are just a sad place for me today. Not all the time but most of the time. Such a bittersweet place.