Sunday, September 16, 2012

a little respite.

first off thank you for all the kind words i received from you all in regards to the last post. it is good to be real. it is hard to be real. it is really hard to put it all out there to anyone who wants to read this little blog. but we are all hurting and we all need a little bit of..."good i am not the only one who does not have it together." thankfully no one has it together and even if they seem to i think it is all a front anyways. enjoy the mess we call ourselves.

on thursday justin and i decided to head out of town for the weekend. it actually happened because some good friends offered us there home at the wintergreen resort. it's like an hour or so away in the mountains. he had been gone a lot for work and we really needed some time to ourselves. a little babymoon of sorts. our sweet friend, anne stewart watched ava for the weekend and we headed out.

arriving super late on friday we slept in...SLEPT IN on saturday. what a gift. we basically slept, ate, talked, slept, watched football, read, slept, sat by a fire, and ate more. we did lose the house key on saturday morning so needless to say that was a bit annoying but thankfully i left a slider door open on the 2nd floor so justin jumped up and we were able to get in. but it did add a bit of stress and frustration to the weekend.

it was good to connect. to spend time in scripture together and praying for our marriage. writing our goals and what we both wanted to be praying about specifically when it comes to our family, marriage, and each of us individually. feels good to be on the same page. the same team. no matter how crazy life seems to get we are committed to making our marriage a priority and fun. seems obvious but sometimes the routine of life can take our eyes off what matters. i realized this weekend...i have one husband. lord willing it will be justin and i for the next lots and lots of years. so be intentional. go the extra mile. serve one another. do something special. be creative. keep it fun. it was meant to be fun. but let's be honest sometimes it is hard. we are all tired. we all feel like we have more to do than can ever seem to be done. and i find that i often have a hard time really relaxing and letting go. enjoy life and not get caught up in the day to day aspects of life that basically are not that much fun. not everything is joyful. i hate unloading the dishwasher and cleaning toilets. so unless i have a housekeeper one day...both need to be done and it is easy to get hard and resentful to the tasks of life that are totally necessary and also totally annoying at the same time. i have not arrived at any sort of revelation but simply the desire justin and i both have to support one another and help each other in the practicals of life that can seem to rob life of its joy. unless our marriage feels like a we are both contributing to and building into than i am quick to be resentful and frustrated. two things i do not want to be...but it creeps in. i keep things inside to avoid a bigger conversation or argument but i know that it wont get us anywhere if we are not being honest and sharing our hearts...from taking out the trash to writing little notes to thinking of one another before the other. which is hard when i think we are inherently selfish people.

after a weekend of rest and time together without ava and no work and no distractions we feel like we are one. we were meant to be one. we might still be figuring out what being one means...but i know i want it. i want authenticity and honesty and time. time to be with the one man i choose for life. excited for what is to come. i do not want to miss out an extraordinary life, marriage, and family because i am stuck in my own stuff. that can be messy and broken. but thankfully no one is asking me to have it all together...just the Lord refining who i am and who i am meant to be in Him.

view from the house.

***congrats to our dear friends who welcomed little elizabeth (libby) nell sloop to the family yesterday. love her and her precious name. ***


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