who would've thought...

off they went. while ava was napping i decided that we would surprise justin at the airport and even get balloons. so my friend lindsay came over quick so i could run out. welcome home balloons. check. coke zero. check. showing up at the airport unexpectedly. check. i was on it. but not really...as i am getting ava out her seat i watch...almost like it was in slow motion the balloons blew away. i grabbed my phone to take a picture to have proof that i tried.

 

 there they are and ava kept saying..."go get them mommy."

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it has been a busy month of friends and travels and visits. my great friend angie and her little man silas came for the weekend to see our new home and to be mom's together and run a little 5k. she is legit. she is consistent. she is real. she loves me so well and loves Jesus the most.

love.

sweet friends. thanks to elizabeth and katie for making the trip in and for my new/friend for life, becky. how i love you all.

***

the run. i started the year with a nice overly optimistic goal for a girl who would not consider herself a runner or even real active for that matter. aside from keeping up with ava i do not exercise regularly. but i wanted to set a goal. so i did. half marathon in the end of april. about a month ago i let angie know that was probably not happening. it was freezing here and i was semi-depressed so running was not on the agenda. we changed the goal to: run a half marathon together in our lifetime. seems less scary for right now. angie helped to make the half marathon in nashville a reality last year. a whole bunch of friends and new friends ran for teamlibby. humbling. it was simply humbling and inspiring and a super fun weekend. because angie is cool like that she did make me feel guilty or push me...she just rolled with it. half marathon at some point in our life. so we made the 5k our mini half marathon. we acted like it was our race. our time. our adventure. all 3.2 miles of it. i kind of joke about it because 3.2 miles is not that much. but...come we celebrate stuff now. we celebrate the little things alongside the big things. so this was big. we ran our first pre-race run together on saturday morning in the ran. we ran about 2 miles. she kept me going. she encouraged me. i knew/know i am not in shape but i knew i was not going to walk any of it on sunday. so i didn't. i ran. i hate running. i was not alone. sweet angie, elizabeth, katie, and my new friend dawn (sad no picture together) we all did it. thanks for doing it. be proud.

perspective is everything. it is not a new thought or anything we have not heard before...but it changes everything. how we choose to view what is ahead. the road we are on. the valley we in or the mountain we are on top of. regardless the only thing we can ever control when life goes array and it will go array. is how we choose to see it. to embrace it. to dive into it. will we see hope, light, and joy...or...dark, deep, and scary. sometimes they are jumbled together into one. i love that freedom because that is real. that is the human heart. the constant dilemma between our head and our heart and how the two join together. i have seen this many times in my life. but yesterday as i ran in the rain with friends alongside me...i wanted to walk. even if just for a quick second. to catch my breath. i just wanted to breathe. i did not stop to walk and still managed to breathe. my mind stayed on one thing. if i can survive cancer...i can easily run a few miles. as i have reflected on running i began to see how that theme is now woven through the rest of my life. whatever i do. wherever i go. whatever happens. i have a strength i did not know i had. i have said this before and believe it so strongly. we are stronger than we think we are. you are stronger than you think you are. we rise to the occasion. even when we feel like we are sinking. we feel a lot of things and that does not mean it is true. we are not alone. the Lord is in all of it. i re-read my favorite 10 thoughts from john piper on not wasting your cancer and number ten like always stuck with me: you will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ. i can now add yet another way that cancer changed me. i want to do things that i do not believe i can do. i want to live life in a fuller, deeper, and richer way. so that is what is truth. He is strong when we are weak. He gives us everything we need even when we can't see it and we are scared and we feel alone and we not sure what is ahead. i embrace this new perspective. this new view on life. i am thankful for it. i am thankful for it the way i was the day we learned of my cancer diagnosis. is there still pain and heartache and deep wounds in cancer. YES. of course. maybe they will always be there. maybe just not so deep. i choose to embrace the unknown. the lack of control. the fact that things rarely turn out the way we want them too...but i choose hope and courage and strength in whatever may come. i am not naive. cancer may not be the biggest thing to ever happen to us. we are only 28. but our cancer story and our survivor story will be one that glorifies the Lord and i attribute my shift in perspective. my life perspective shift on cancer and on Jesus. i love that. i love that in pain we see joy and life and truth.

we are stronger than we think we are. whether it is running or working or pregnancy or singleness or death or cancer or heartache or pain or fear or uncertainty or depression or anxiety or whatever you are facing. whatever you walk in everyday. you can do it. i promise you can do it. you are not alone and i believe the Lord carries us when we can not do it one more second. He will use friends, your spouse, your mom, your co-workers, your family, your neighbors. you might even be surprised who comes out of the wood work when life gets crazy. but you are not alone. i pray we continue to be a community of people that rallies. when things get tough let's never stop rallying.

nice job ladies. we did it. no one walked. not even a little bit. we ran those 3.2 miles.

i like being on my own team. ha, that is funny. i only wore this shirt at the end for some pictures because i felt weird wearing a shirt that said team libby on it. either way...how far we have come sweet angie. this time we ran alongside each other. i am healthy and strong and healed. God IS good.

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more on my new ability to wear a ponytail to come friday as it marks one year since the pixie cut.