monday july 26, 2010

i get up early and go get my blood work done at the doctor's office. they had not been able to get me into an endo dr yet so they say they will call me. i get home and its 1015 and they call and say can you get to the dr by 11 and i say yes. justin works from home to stay with ava and i quick go to my appt. when i see the dr (who as of today is the best dr i have ever had in my life) he says we should do an ultrasound of my neck. i tell him my husband is leaving tomorrow for work and i am leaving thursday so we need this done asap. he is on it and gets me an appt for 2pm and orders everything STAT. i go home and we get a babysitter and we go to the hospital. get an ultrasound done and the tech was not super professional and says, your thyroid looks fine, but you do have two large masses on your neck, not sure what they are though. just so we all know...they are not supposed to tell you anything, a dr reads it and reports the findings. but anyways we get blood work done again b/c the dr wants it done faster so i do that at the hospital. we head home. get a call from dr on the way home to go back to the hospital and get a chest and neck x-ray. i start crying. is it serious or is he just doing everything STAT b/c we are going out of town, we both begin to get a little anxious. get the x-ray and get home at 4pm and i am feeding ava applesauce and the dr calls. his assistant says, "hey no rush but could you come to the office by 5pm tonight and bring your husband?" not what you want to hear. i start sobbing. but we get ava in her seat and start calling our immediate family and we ask them to pray. get to the dr and he sits us down in his office and tells us that based on his expertise and the other doctors who read my tests they conclude that it is lymphoma. cancer of the lymph nodes. they had found spots in my neck and chest. we surprising keep it together. i think its shock and denial. but we talk for a while. our dr is great. we see the ultrasound and x-ray pictures to get a better understanding. he says this is beyond me now, you guys need to find an oncologist, but i will help you with whatever i can until i can turn you over to a specialist. that was a gift. we set up a CT scan for tuesday at 2pm of my neck and chest. we walked out to the car and said to each other "we will beat this!" still in shock and denial we began calling our families. that was the hardest part. i think monday night it was all so surreal. we laid in bed and kept saying, this is our life...this is actually real. i started noticing back at the day and that night...whenever justin started to cry he would hide behind his sunglasses. although it was hard to see his pain, i knew we were in this together and that we both trusted the Lord with all of it. at this point i am numb.