officially 30

i sat down this morning to write and as soon as i started lyla began to cry and ava walked out of her bedroom into the living room with new pajama bottoms on. lately she has been refusing to go potty before bed to which resulted in a wet pull up...so last night i told her that if she didn't go before bed and then had an accident their would be a consequence in the morning. so when she did in fact pee her bed...instead of waking me up to help her she decided to take care of it herself. she had slept on a towel and changed her pants and told me that she was so proud because she did it herself. i can just envision her walking around her room in the middle of night looking for a towel and changing her clothes all to avoid getting into trouble. oh, how i love that girl.

so today was a great day. it was full. girls slept in a bit so i was able to shower and get ready before they woke up. such a gift. then coffee and bagels with the family before ava went to school. good to sit with my favorite people and have them share what they love about me as a wife and mama. i don't share the pridefully but because it was awesome to hear my husband's heart and teach ava the importance of encouraging people we love with our words. she just said she loved me because i opened a present. it's a start.

in the midst of packing and moving and painters and electricians and a baby and nursing and meals and boxes and life. well it felt a little crazy today. but what mattered was that today i felt like people rallied around us. women from the yl committee cleaned our entire new house so it's all ready for the move tomorrow and leaders watched my girls who were hyper and tired and off their schedule. friends helped carry and load and carry and load our stuff. i got a mocha dropped off at the new house when i was feeling discouraged and overwhelmed for a second. then i got texts, phone calls, and emails. so many that when i am done here i am reading and i can finally catch up. so thank you. i felt loved. from people all over the place. many i rarely see. thank you for caring. my dad told me how proud he was of me today and i read it exactly when i needed to be reminded of that truth. sweet stef made me an ice cream reese peanut butter cake. to die for. we will eat it as a family tomorrow with candles before we sleep in our new home for the first time. ashley fed us chick fila for not joke the 6-8th time this week. can't keep track. i have an issue. i am very aware of it. but i order grilled nuggets and those are kinda healthy. then tonight when i was about to shut it down for the night...my sweet girlfriends walked in all decked out with balloons and took me out. nice style. like we ate fancy steak. and on top of that they are bringing us dinner every night this week. it is too much. words are failing me. i recall my first birthday here. my first birthday after cancer and it should have been joyful and crazy. but it was kinda sad. no one really knew it was my birthday. but a sweet friend brought my flowers and a blizzard. but this isn't about rattling off all the ways people cared for us today. although it was a day full of practical love. loving my girls and helping make our move a little easier. i am so grateful. but i more grateful for the relationships. the people who make my life so rich and so real. i am thankful that i was wrong. that i believed no place could care for us the way we'd been cared for in the past but today i was proven wrong like fifty times. they are in this with us and i do not take it for granted...not one tiny bit that we are not alone and that i am not alone and that i am living my life alongside people that care about me and i care about them. a lot.

thankful for 4 of our sweet leaders who stayed with our girls tonight while i went out with some girlfriends and justin laid floor in the utility room before the move. my husband has shocked me. he has worked countless hours to make this house into our room. this is a little sad but mostly it is good. when justin's dad passed away...one of the first things justin said. actually in the hospital over ted..."i wish i had learned more from my dad. he could do anything." babe...your dad is so proud. you have worked tirelessly to make our new home exactly what we want. be proud. you are doing it. your dad taught you more than you probably will ever realize. i have loved watching you grow in this new way.

seasons of life provide different things. sometimes we are sad and feel alone. sometimes we have people and it feels right and easy and fun. it is the ebb and flow of life. the up and down. it's just how it goes. so for today. the day i was born i am thankful and indebted to the people around us that allow our life to flow the way it does. i am so grateful.

i shared with my friends tonight at dinner that i am looking forward to 30. over the past ten it was college, dating, engagement, moving, marriage, moving, baby, cancer, moving, loss, another babe, first home, etc with lots of stuff in between...so in my ignorance i thought...wow a lot was packed into my 20's so maybe these next ten will be a little easier. i am okay with it not being easy though. i mean i don't want it all hard but i am realistic. realistic that when i was 20 and sitting with my girlfriends at dinner i would have never guessed a few of things that happened but many more i never could have imagined. so in a very hopeful way...i hope that the next ten blow me away. with accomplishing something i never thought possible. going somewhere i have never been. learning and stretching and becoming and changing and loving. really loving the people in our life we invest in. to be honest and genuine and teachable and humble and hospitable and forgiving and wise. i pray these are traits i grow into and form deeper ways and avenues to live them out.

so thank you. thank you for the outpouring of encouragement after my last post. for loving me today. for those of you that told me you are thankful that i was born. that this day exists to celebrate my life. that is deeply special to me.

thank you for being in this with us. whatever that may look like. my life is different because of the people we share it with. it's been a good day.