two years later.

today is the two anniversary of completing my very last chemo.

ahhhhhhhhhh

two things: i still can not even believe that i even had cancer and i will always hate chemo. thankful for it. but hate it all the same.

i never want to go back there again.

we made this video to remember. to remember where we were and where we had been...and now seeing where we have come.

in two years we have grown. we have changed. we moved. lost pop pop and welcomed sweet little lyla. in between some many little things and big things that are all making me into who i was created to be.

i am thankful for life and for health and for everything in the past years that are all apart of my story. it has often felt like a lot. especially lately i have been overcome with emotion of grief and loss and shock. that same emotional heart turned into joy and disbelief and thankfulness as i look at lyla everyday. i remembering thinking about what life would be like for ava without me and how her little life would be different than most of her friends because she had lost her mommy when she was a baby. but that is not her story. not only is that NOT her story but now she is big sister. she has a new best friend that i never imagined would be possible. but it is. she is laying right next to me as i write and i get lost her little eyes and how i think she looks a little like me when i was a baby. selfishly i love that. our lyla teddy.

it is good to reflect sometimes. to see how we have grown and how seasons change. 

if life seems hard right now...it wont always be this hard.

if life feels easy and joyful...soak it in baby.

for our family we are living in the in between. full hearts among broken hearts.

it wont always be this way. i know that. cancer taught me so much. i never thought it would end. but it did end. two years ago it ended. praying it has ended forever.

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